


the power of listening (to what you don't want me to know)

by capanon



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4907713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capanon/pseuds/capanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kise had a way with words, an inherent charm that led people around, convinced them they were important, and then turned away from them just as quickly. Kuroko saw it over and over in Teiko, would bet money that Kise hadn't changed, and yet there was still a small part of him that felt like the rug had been pulled from beneath his feet. By the time he'd realized he'd fallen for it, it was too late. How pitiful of him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from tori amos' "the power of orange knickers"

Kuroko's phone vibrated nonstop for the first half of practice. He should have taken its sudden silence as a sign, a warning, because with ten minutes left, Kise came strolling into the gym, casual as you please.

"I'm here for Kurokocchi!"

Hyuuga whipped around, breaking his shooting posture without missing a beat to hurl the ball at Kise's head. The hit landed, and Kuroko watched Kise drop to the ground with a loud whine.

"No interruptions," Hyuuga said. He looked straight at Kuroko.

"My apologies. I knew nothing about this." Kuroko wasn't exactly lying, but to say that he hadn't at least expected Kise's intrusion was hardly the truth. Expected, hoped--

Kuroko jerked his head, forced his focus onto the ball, to the sound of shoes squeaking on the court, the feel of sweat gluing his practice jersey to his back. Kise's eyes remained on him for the rest of practice.

"What's that about?" Kagami asked, one step behind Kuroko to the showers. He tipped his head toward Kise, sprawled out against the wall with an exaggerated pout and tapping rapidly on the screen of his phone. "You guys aren't playing without me, are you?"

"I wouldn't pose much of a challenge for Kise-kun one on one," Kuroko said. He went through the motions of undressing, trepidation creeping cold in his chest. "He's probably here for no reason at all. Kise-kun's whims aren't something I can predict."

Kagami snorted and banged his locker shut. "You got that right. All of your nutcase friends are so..." He trailed off, shaking his head as he wandered back to the showers. Kuroko couldn't blame him. His ex-teammates were a category unto themselves.

If he took longer than usual showering and gathering his things, there was no one to judge. Kagami was gone by the time he walked back into the gym, the seniors as well. The lights were off, and for a brief moment, Kuroko wondered if Kise got tired of waiting and left. 

"Geez, Kurokocchi! You took forever!" An arm fell heavy over Kuroko's shoulders. Kuroko just managed to keep from jerking at the sudden touch. "Come on, I'll buy dinner!" Kise might have asked, but the way he steered Kuroko out of the gym and through Seiren's courtyard was more command than request. Kuroko said nothing. "So are you going to tell me?" Kise asked.

Kuroko refused to bite. "Tell you what?"

"Why you ditched me yesterday!" Kise blurted. "That was so mean! I turned around, and you were just gone!"

Kuroko kept his gaze firmly ahead. "You seemed busy. I didn't want to interrupt."

"Busy?" Kise's arm fell, and he stopped walking. Kuroko continued for a few steps before stopping and turning around. "How could I be busy? I was there just for you!"

And just like that, Kuroko's gut clenched. Kise had a way with words, an inherent charm that led people around, convinced them they were important, and then turned away from them just as quickly. Kuroko saw it over and over in Teiko, would bet money that Kise hadn't changed in that aspect, and yet there was still a small part of him that felt like the rug had been pulled from beneath his feet. By the time he'd realized he'd fallen for it, it was too late. How pitiful of him. "Those girls were very interested," he said at last. "I didn't want to ruin your chances."

"Oh, them? They were just fans. I didn't want to be rude."

"As expected, Kise-kun, you're as thoughtless as ever." Kuroko turned away and continued walking, ignoring Kise's wails. The conversation fell into its normal pattern: tears from Kise, a cold rebuttal from Kuroko, pleas for affection from Kise. But all the while, Kuroko's stomach twisted and a strangely cold feeling worried at his heart. He overrode it with irritation and took it out on Kise, who took it in stride, accepting Kuroko's ire with the same single-minded desperation for acknowledgment as always.

"Here we go!" Kise abruptly dropped the tears and waved at a yakiniku stand across the street. "Small, right? But my team stopped by here after practice last week and it was amazing! I knew right away Kurokocchi would like it," and to seal the deal, he actually winked at Kuroko.

"If it's not," Kuroko said, flat as can be, "I'll be certain to let you know without delay."

"So cruel!"

Kise's wails chased him across the street. Hunger was the last thing on Kuroko's mind, but the scent wafting off the grill drew him closer. "It does smell good," he murmured.

"Right? Right?" Kise shouldered under the stand's awning next to Kuroko, not a centimeter between them. "Order anything you'd like! I just got paid for a big job, after all!" He rattled off his own order, then looked expectantly at Kuroko.

"The same," Kuroko said, nodding at Kise. He knew he wouldn't eat it all, but Kise looked so excited at being able to share something with him. Shouldn't he respect that? When Kise smiled at him that way, it was difficult to say no. Anyone would agree.

Kise continued to talk at him, and Kuroko mechanically ate his food, nodding in the right places. It was dark outside already, and his stomach hurt. Practice wore him down, body and mind. His patience, already tested, was rapidly unwinding thread. A small corner of his mind prodded him with something akin to guilt. Kise wasn't any different from normal, and yet... And yet. 

"Excuse me? Are you Kise Ruouta-kun?"

Kise's attention wandered to Kuroko's left: an attractive girl in a baggy sweater and a miniskirt, her hair done in delicate loose curls that spilled over her shoulders. Her smile was timid, excited.

"I am!" Kise smiled widely. A model's smile, Kuroko noted. It was barely better than a plastic mask, but the girl responded in kind, asking for a picture. Kise, of course, went along with it, folding her under his arm and snapping a selfie of the two of them with her phone.

Kuroko looked from Kise's face to hers and felt that frayed thread snap. "Excuse me," he muttered, hurrying to his feet. He stepped out from under the awning and heard Kise call out to him. He didn't stop, walking with purpose. 

"Kurokocchi!" Kise jogged up behind him. "You left me again! I told you before--"

"You're annoying me," Kuroko snapped. Kise looked as shocked as Kuroko felt. Had he said that? Those words, had they come out of his mouth? It felt like he was watching a movie. This is something that happened to other people, not him. Kuroko had never seen that look on Kise's face before, had never glimpsed anything close to that unfiltered hurt before.

They both stopped walking. Foot traffic carried on around them, and Kuroko found himself unable to look away from his feet. "I apologize," he said. "I'm not feeling well."

"Right," Kise said. He swallowed, his eyes cutting to the side. "Well--that's okay! Even Kurokocchi has off days! You should go home and get some rest."

"Yes, of course." Kuroko didn't move. "I'll be going now." His feet were heavy, nailing him to the ground.

"I'll see you later!" And for the first time, Kise walked away first. There was no hesitation. He hurried away from were Kuroko stood, his back shrinking rapidly in the distance. Kuroko stared until Kise was out of sight.

The walk home blurred by him. Kuroko made it home before he realized he'd even begun to move. He had to be ill because he couldn't shake the fog invading his mind. The flu, maybe? A cold? He'd been working himself too hard. He'd have to take it easy tomorrow. 

The door slammed shut behind Kuroko. He could hear his mother's voice calling up after him, but his mind was stuck on Kise's face, on the very real hurt that bled out through his eyes before he could fix something more casual in place. Kuroko fell face down on the bed. "I don't know what I'm doing," he said aloud. His phone chimed in his pocket, and he pulled it out, turning his head just enough to glance at the message on the screen:

_sleep well!! feel better tomorrow kurokocchi!! ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ_

Kuroko locked his screen and fumbled it onto his bedside table. Pain swelled behind his eyes. Kise's very existence was headache inducing, had been from the moment Akashi foisted him off onto Kuroko, but this felt different. Stress was a normal response to Kise; Kuroko frequently felt like he was staring at the sun when he looked at him, everything about Kise too loud and too bright to deal with for more than bare minutes at a time. But he couldn't stop thinking about it, the look on Kise's face when he cut him down. The more he thought about that, the more his mind trailed. Kise's hurt face as they stood in front of the restaurant faded into the intensity of Kise during a game became the way the Kise's lithely muscled arms worked as he moved to shoot the ball. Kuroko watched the images pass in his mind like a film reel on repeat, an endless loop of Kise. Before he knew it he was hard, his hips moving restlessly against the bed. Kuroko rolled onto his back and undid his pants, shoved his hand down the front of them and worked himself until he came. The endless parade of Kise didn't stop, but without the edge of arousal Kuroko found himself at a loss. He wiped his hand on his trousers and stared at the cracks in his ceiling, a stone resting heavy in his gut.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the comments and kudos!

The next morning dawned with clarity. Kuroko picked up his phone, ignored Kise's message from the night before, and scrolled down his contact list until he found a specific address. He sent a quick message off, then got dressed. 

Momoi's response came in seconds: _yes!! i'd love a date with tetsu-kun!! ヽ(o♡o)/ i'm available whenever!_

It struck Kuroko how similar Momoi could be to Kise, but he only allowed himself to linger on that thought for a moment. Momoi was nothing like Kise, and in any case, it hardly mattered. Kuroko sent her a time and place to meet, then slipped his phone back into his pocket. A date with Momoi was what he needed. Too much time with Kise was clearly rotting his mind.

His phone buzzed again. Kuroko considered ignoring it, but it was probably Momoi. He unlocked the screen and frowned.

how are you feeling today kurokocchi?

Not Momoi. Kuroko's hands felt sweaty. He stared at the message, wanting nothing more than to ignore it, but instead of putting his phone away again, his thumb began tapping on his keyboard. He sent a reply and then stared at the conversation.

_I'm feeling much better. I'm going on a date with Momoi-san today._

Uncharacteristic over share, he noted. What was the point in telling Kise?

Another message popped up: _i didnt know you felt that way about her_

The conversation was taking a path Kuroko didn't care to tread, so this time he did put the phone away. After a brief moment of thought, he took it back out, turned it on silent, and then returned it to his pocket. He had class, then practice, then he'd see Momoi. He didn't need Kise's rambling and often irrelevant messages to distract him. 

"I'm leaving now," Kuroko called out. His mother hummed a reply from the kitchen as Kuroko toed on his shoes.

School passed slowly. Kuroko tried to sleep in class, but Kagami refused to let him out of some misguided sense of responsibility - or perhaps just jealousy. By the time they went to the gym for practice, Kuroko had no less than six bruises running down the outside of his forearm from where Kagami jabbed him with his pen.

"Don't look at me like that," Kagami said. "It was for your own good!"

"I refuse to hear that from you."

Kagami clucked his tongue. "Well, whatever. Hey, let's head to Maji after practice. I got a new video of the NBA playoffs. We can check it out."

"I can't," Kuroko said. Ah, there it is. Shame finally set in. "I have plans after practice."

"You?" Kagami's brows shot up. "What the hell are _you_ doing? You never do anything. I have to make you do stuff!" It was a sad state of affairs, though entirely true. Kuroko, basketball notwithstanding, was a complete homebody.

"I have a date," he said, dragging the words out one by one, "with Momoi-san."

"Huh." Kagami frowned. "Didn't you say you didn't like her like that?"

"Yes."

"And you're gonna go out with her anyway?"

"...Yes."

Kagami didn't hesitate. He slapped Kuroko upside the head, scoffing. "And you tell me I'm no good with women! How delicate are you being when you're stepping all over her feelings like that?"

"You're... not wrong," Kuroko hedged, refusing to meet Kagami's glare head-on. "There are extenuating circumstances." Not that he could name them, aloud or otherwise. _Kise was getting too close to me_ was as pathetic as it was alarming, and _I can't stop thinking about Kise_ was even worse. Kuroko couldn't blot Kise's face out of his mind no matter what he tried, so filling that space with something else seemed the best answer.

"Extenuating circumstances, my ass," Kagami grumbled. "Whatever's up with you today, you better get your head straight. People might start paying attention."

Of _course_ Kagami realized something was bothering him. Kuroko knew his partner was much more observant than anyone gave him credit for, but it still warmed him to know Kagami was paying attention. "You're right," Kuroko said. "I'll work on that."

Kagami nodded, like _yeah, damn right you will_ , and that was that.

~

"Tetsu-kun!" Momoi jogged down the sidewalk toward him, one hand in the air. "Have you been waiting long?"

"No, I just arrived." Kuroko held out his arm, and Momoi took it with a gleeful smile. 

"I was so happy when you asked me out," she sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. Standing so close, Kuroko could smell her sweet floral perfume, could feel the press of her breasts against his arm, the brush of her soft hair against his skin. That Momoi was beautiful was no surprise to him. If anything, that was old news. The only surprising thing was that having her near didn't stir anything up in him. 

"It's been a while since we've met," Kuroko replied, neutral. He could hear Kagami's criticism like he was hollering in his ear. "You're a very dear friend, Momoi-san. I'd hate for us to grow apart."

Momoi looked at him strangely, a crease drawing down between her eyes. She opened her mouth, then closed it, shaking her head. "Tetsu-kun," she murmured. 

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no," Momoi said. She held onto his arm tighter, as though she was afraid he'd disappear. "It's just funny."

"What?"

"You," she said. She did not elaborate. "Where should we go? You just came from practice, so you must be hungry."

Kuroko couldn't argue. "We can go wherever you'd like."

"Hm, is that so? We should go somewhere new!"

Another familiar pattern: Kuroko content to follow, Momoi leading him along. He liked seeing her happy, and Momoi was easy to please, uncomplicated. She never hesitated to show him her heart, and she never wore a mask with him. Kise, Kuroko couldn't say the same about.

A frown stole its way across his face. He hardly had a reason to think of Kise when he was out with Momoi. Momoi, as though aware of his internal dilemma, tugged on his arm hard enough to make him stumble. 

"Sorry!" she said, though she didn't let up her grip. "Look, we can go to that cafe! I remember passing by it the last time I was in the area. I've heard they have the cutest cakes!"

"I've never been. Shall we?" He let Momoi pull him to the little cafe and in through the doors. It was mostly empty, with a bright red booths and a black and white checkered interior. The waitresses perked up the moment they walked in, and one of them, an unusually tall brunette, made a beeline for the booth they settled in.

"Welcome!" she chirped, passing the menus out. She rattled out what Kuroko assumed was the cafe's typical spiel and then left them to decide while she got them two waters. 

"Order whatever you'd like," Kuroko said, smiling across the table at Momoi. "Today is my treat."

But rather than beaming back at him, Momoi set her menu down on the table and fixed her gaze on him. "Tetsu-kun, if you keep saying things like that, I'll misunderstand."

"No," Kuroko said, "that's not what--I mean, that is to say--" His words tripped off his tongue with all the grace of a newborn foal. Momoi had never been so direct, not like that, and Kuroko felt guilt swell in his chest. _I'm leading her on_ , he knew. Kagami pointed it out, not that he'd needed him to, but having Momoi herself notice it was mortifying.

"Something's bothering you," she said, narrowing her eyes. She was frighteningly perceptive even on bad days, and having that level of focus trained on him unnerved Kuroko. He couldn't keep himself from looking away. "Tell me," she said. It wasn't a request.

"You're mistaken."

"I'm not," she returned at once. "And this is still your treat!" She reached across the table and took his hand. Kuroko was too startled by her forwardness to pull away. "I know you, Tetsu-kun. Something's bothering you, something big. If you want to tell me, I'll listen." This time when she smiled, there was a bittersweet edge to it. "After all, what are friends for?" She released his hand when the waitress came back to take their order, and Momoi, in her infinite wisdom, ordered for both of them. It was just as well. Kuroko didn't think he could get his mouth to work just then.

He sipped at his water, trying to regain his footing, and though Momoi was no longer staring him down, he could still feel the intensity of her pinpointed focus trained on him. "I've been," he started, then stopped. What could he possibly say? Fixated on the wrong person? Thinking about something he'd rather not acknowledge? His stomach turned at the thought of giving his worries voice. Words had power, and to say it aloud... It would make it real. "I've been preoccupied," he said at last.

"With what?"

"With," Kuroko broke off, unable to keep the frown from tugging down his lips. "With Kise-kun."

_That_ surprised Momoi. "Kise-kun? Ki-chan? You're... fighting with him?"

"No."

Momoi worried at her bottom lip. "When you say preoccupied..."

Kuroko couldn't quite look at her. "I've been thinking about him. More than I care to."

Silence fell. Momoi looked thoughtful, turning her attention to her water. She didn't say anything for a few long moments, and Kuroko could feel his heartbeat speeding up with each passing second. He'd said it, but had she understood? He couldn't claim to understand his own feelings, so how could she? Would it be worse if she didn't? He tried to imagine her looking at him with disgust, but the picture failed to materialize, his mind unable to comprehend the idea of a Momoi who was anything less than overflowing with kindness.

"Tetsu-kun," she said at last, "I'm not one hundred percent sure about what you're telling me. So say something if I've got this wrong, but are you saying you _like_ Ki-chan?"

Kuroko's stomach bottomed out, and a "No," forced its way out of his mouth on reflex. He grimaced. "Maybe."

Momoi hummed. "What brought this on?" She didn't appear at all affected by his confession. Kuroko couldn't say how much of the face she was presenting was true, a realization that bothered him a great deal.

"We were out together a few days ago," he began. "And a few of his fans approached." He stopped, swallowed. "He was... friendly to them. No more than usual, but it. It bothered me." Hearing it out loud sounded so petty. "So I left without saying anything. And last night, it happened again. I--I was rude to him." What happened after, when Kuroko was alone? That was something he'd happily keep to himself.

"And then you asked me out," Momoi finished. "Oh, Tetsu-kun." 

The waitress broke the heavy atmosphere with their food, sliding it onto the table with practiced ease. When she left again, Momoi returned her attention to Kuroko, ignoring her food altogether. "You can't make this go away by avoiding the problem," she said bluntly. "It's not like you to do that. Ki-chan's probably already noticed. I bet you made him cry." She paused, pursing her lips. "Maybe I should have seen this coming," she muttered, picking up her fork and stabbing it into her cake.

"I'm sorry," Kuroko said. He'd say it again and again if it helped.

But Momoi waved him off, taking a bite of the cake. "It's not something you should apologize for, Tetsu-kun. It's--I'll have to get used to it, but I don't love you any less!" 

"There's nothing to get used to," Kuroko said, "not really. I'm not committing to anything."

"From what you've said," there was something careful and measured in her tone, "this has nothing to do with Ki-chan and everything to do with you. I was never in the running."

_That_ hit Kuroko like a punch to the gut. There had always been some small part of him that assumed sooner or later he'd be interested in Momoi. They'd date, do whatever couples did, end of story. But the truth, perhaps something he'd known subconsciously all the while, was that Momoi could never be anything other than a friend. He could never give her what she wanted, and she could never _be_ what he wanted. "I'm sorry," Kuroko said again, unable to find a better way express himself.

Momoi patted his hand kindly. "Eat your food, Tetsu-kun."

~

They parted ways outside the cafe. Momoi wouldn't hear anything about him walking her to the station. Kuroko suspected she wanted to be alone, and the thought of seeing her cry, of being the source of her sadness, was enough to deter him from pushing the point.

He wandered home slowly, unhurried, stopping a few blocks from his home to sit on a bench at the nearby park. The basketball court he usually used was empty, the streetlights flickering over it. The sight brought him peace, a sorely needed stillness in the midst of an emotionally draining week. He pulled out his phone to turn the sound back on and frowned. Twelve messages.

_do you like her?_ read the first. Barely a minute later _are you being serious?? kurokocchi!!!!_ followed it. Over the course of the day, Kise's messages reached startling levels of hysteria. Kuroko didn't know what to say. 

He opened up a new message and typed: _I like you, Kise-kun_ , he wrote. He nearly laughed aloud at the sight of it. Was he a middle school girl? Kuroko erased it and tried again: _I hate it when you flirt with other people_. And that was the problem, wasn't it? Kuroko could stand letting Kise fawn all over him, but the moment Kise turned his attention onto anyone else, Kuroko's heart couldn't stand it. No, he was no middle school girl. He was barely better than a shoujo stereotype. Disgusted with himself, Kuroko moved his thumb to erase the message.

His phone beeped. MESSAGE SENT displayed beneath the text.

Kuroko's eyes bulged. His thumb was on the send key. He'd sent it. He'd accidentally sent that horrible, petty message, and Kise was probably _reading it right that second_.

He sat back and stared blankly at the phone before turning it off. The answer was clear. He'd just have to move out of the country, because there was no way Kise would let that go, and if Kise pursued this with the same startlingly loud single-mindedness he did everything else, it was only a matter of time before everyone knew about it. Life, as Kuroko knew it, was over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the comments and kudos! this is the end of this story, but i have a few ideas for the same universe. i guess we'll see...

Kuroko existed somewhere between resignation and acceptance, never quite letting himself toe over the line in one direction or the other. He had the foresight to block Kise's number on his phone, though every time he scrolled through his contacts and saw the big red x next to Kise's address, he couldn't shake the guilt that crept up his back and settled in his mind.

 

"So." Kagami turned around in his seat, resting his elbows on Kuroko's desk and unsettling his notes. They had a free period to study for their next exam, and Kuroko was just managing to scrape by distracting himself with analyzing Osamu Dazai's common themes before Kagami pinned him in place with a look that screamed _I have a bone to pick with you_.

 

"Can I help you, Kagami-kun?"

 

"You're still weird," Kagami said. He wasn't pulling his punches today. "You've been weird for _days_ , and it's pissing me off."

 

"I apologize," Kuroko tried for lack of anything better to say. He didn't think he was being especially weird. No one else seemed to notice anything, but that was no surprise. The second years were all in varying states of misery following their first meetings with their advisors about The Future. Kuroko was glad he had another year before that particular horror reared its ugly head.

 

"It's not about apologizing," Kagami said, exasperated. "I'm worried about you, idiot! Get it?"

 

"Kagami-kun, I'm touched that you're so concerned."

 

Red blossomed across Kagami's cheeks, the bridge of his nose. "Don't say it like that!" he snapped. "You're just--weird! Weirder than usual!" He grabbed the top of Kuroko's head and squeezed. "Spit it out already!"

 

"That hurts, Kagami-kun."

 

Kagami let go, but his fingers flexed threateningly. "Spill it," he said. "Maybe if you get whatever it is off your chest you'll actually go back to being able to blend in with the walls."

 

"That's rude," Kuroko muttered, rubbing at his scalp. Kagami's grip, as usual, was too strong. "It's nothing. Really," he insisted when Kagami rolled his eyes. "Nothing's bothering me."

 

"You're an awful liar for a guy with such a good poker face."

 

"I've never lied in my life," Kuroko said.

 

"I can't believe you can say shit like that with a straight face!" Kagami shook his head roughly. "Nope, no way, you're not distracting me. Look," he shuffled his chair closer, the shrieking of metal legs on linoleum drawing the attention of their classmates for a brief moment. "We're partners, right? We're supposed to rely on each other. So rely on _me_."

 

"You can say such embarrassing things so earnestly..." Kuroko pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's difficult to talk about." Kagami didn't interrupt. "I realized something," he paused, searching for a word before continuing with, " _uncomfortable_. I'm having trouble reconciling it. That's all."

 

"So what's the thing?"

 

"I'd rather not say." Kuroko looked down at the mess of his literature notes spread across his desk. "Please don't push that point, Kagami-kun."

 

In a rare show of maturity, Kagami kept his mouth shut. But he did reach across to squeeze Kuroko's shoulder. "Whatever it is, it's probably not as a big a deal as you think," was his parting advice before turning back to his own books.

 

It would be nice, Kuroko reflected, to be as sure of himself in everything as Kagami was. He tried to imagine Kagami in his place. Would he fret over it? Kuroko couldn't picture Kagami giving anything other than basketball more than a few seconds of his time. He'd probably steamroll right over whatever unwanted attraction he found himself inflicted with. Then again, Kagami was too American for his own good. The attitude that Kuroko's feelings were somehow wrong probably didn't align well with what Kagami was used to. And if that was the case, couldn't he just tell Kagami the truth? Kuroko hadn't been able to tell even Momoi directly what his problem was. Just imagining the words, "I like Kise-kun," coming out of his mouth made him break out into a cold sweat...

 

And then, his ever-helpful brain reminded him of some other horrifying words: _I hate it when you flirt with other people_.

 

Kuroko slammed his head down on his desk. Kagami made a startled noise and spun around. "Kuroko?!"

 

One thing was certain: he'd reached rock bottom. The day could only get better from there.

~

_fight on, tetsu-kun!_

 

"Oi, Kuroko. Come on, we've got practice."

 

Kuroko didn't answer. The message from Momoi was sent about an hour before, and something about it alarmed Kuroko. _Deeply_.

 

Kagami looked over his shoulder. "Fight on?" he read aloud. "What's with that?"

 

"I don't know," Kuroko said. He doubted it was anything good. Momoi hadn't messaged him since their failed date. That didn't seem like something she would say. He'd expected her to be cold to him for a while, which he of course deserved. But fight on?

 

Kagami tugged Kuroko out of his seat. "Whatever, it's probably nothing important. Let's get moving. If Coach makes us run laps because we're late, I'm going to dunk your head!"

 

"Please don't dunk me..."

 

If anything, Kuroko expected training to be light. He'd seen Riko in the halls just after lunch, and she'd walked into a door. She looked lifeless. He couldn't imagine how the other second years looked, let alone how they were going to cope with training on top of academic stress...

 

"You! Kuroko-kun!" Riko came banging out of the gym just as Kuroko and Kagami were approaching the doors. So much for lifeless.

 

"Coach," Kuroko greeted, but she cut him off before he could say anything else.

 

"What did I say about distractions!"

 

Kagami shot a look at Kuroko before hesitantly answering, "Don't have them?"

 

Riko pinched the bridge of her nose and gritted out, "Exactly. So _why_ ," she looked at Kuroko, "do your weird middle school friends keep dropping in?"

 

Kuroko froze. "Who...?"

 

"Kise Ryouta-kun," Riko said. She looked at the end of her rope, and in any other circumstances, Kuroko might have found her exasperation amusing. "Mind getting rid of him? Hey, where are you going?!"

 

Kuroko turned and ran the moment Kise's name was out of her mouth. He should have known. Kise never could leave well enough alone.

 

The locker room was the first place that came to mind, so Kuroko hunkered down behind the back row of lockers and prayed that Kise would overlook him.

 

"Fight on, huh?" Momoi must have known Kise would do this. Honestly, Kuroko wouldn't be shocked if she was behind Kise's sudden appearance.

 

If only things would go back to normal. If only he hadn't sent that message. If only he wasn't attracted to Kise.

 

The door burst open, followed by the turn of the look and panting breaths. Kuroko sat on the ground, frozen in place by the undeniable realization that Kise wouldn't overlook him. Not this time.

 

Footsteps. Then, "Kurokocchi is unexpectedly cruel." Kise sank down on the ground beside him, his long legs stretching all the way to the opposite row of lockers. "How long were you going to avoid me?"

 

"Forever." Kuroko couldn't bring himself to lie. His eyes met Kise's then dropped back to his hands. Kise looked crushed.

 

"Why? After that message, I thought..." Kise trailed off. He kept a careful distance between himself and Kuroko. "Momoicchi said you were scared."

 

Kuroko's head shot up. "I'm not afraid! Momoi-san--she shouldn't have involved herself!"

 

"I was going to let you go," Kise continued over Kuroko's denial. "I thought you'd finally figured out I was serious about you and felt disgusted." He laughed, a bitter, mirthless sound. "Then you had to go and send me something like _that_. How could I not get fired up again?"

 

They sat in silence. Kuroko's heart felt like it was trying to pound out of his chest. He knew if he looked up, Kise would see his bright red face and just _know_.

 

Kise broke the silence first. "In case I'm not being clear, Kurokocchi..." He grabbed Kuroko's hand, and the feel of his pulse, faster even than Kuroko's own, forced Kuroko's gaze up. Kise's face flushed, and his eyes cut to the side. "I like you. I like you a _lot_."

 

Kuroko jerked his hand away and covered his face. "Don't say it so plainly!"

 

"If I don't, you'll just misunderstand!" Kise laughed and tugged at Kuroko's hand. "Come on, Kurokocchi, you have to answer me properly!"

 

Fight on, Momoi had said. And Kagami's absolute certainty that Kuroko was making a problem out of nothing... He tried to hold those words close to his heart. "Kise-kun." Kuroko glanced up, but he couldn't handle the intensity of Kise's focus. His eyes dropped again, and he took a deep breath. "I like you, Kise-kun."

 

Kise tightened his grip on Kuroko's hand. "Thanks, Kurokocchi."

 

Kuroko steadied his breath. He'd done it. The words were out there. His feelings were real. He turned his head. "You're wel--"

 

Kise's lips were on his. Kuroko froze, couldn't think or speak or even move. A warm feeling settled low in his stomach, and he tilted his head when Kise's hand cupped his cheek.

 

Finally, it clicked. This was what he'd been waiting for with Momoi, with any girl. The feeling of wanting, the desire to pull someone else close and never let them go. Kuroko clenched his hands in Kise's uniform jacket and fell into the slow slide of their mouths moving together.

 

He was so involved, he didn't hear the sound of the door being unlocked or footsteps leading toward them.

 

He did, however, hear the sound of Kagami clearing his throat. "So," Kagami said, face red, "got that out of your system?"

 

Kuroko shoved Kise away and stared at the floor.

 

Kise was not so inclined. He stood up and grinned. "Thanks, Kagamicchi! I owe you!" He didn't look the least bit embarrassed. Kuroko hated him a little.

 

"Do this stuff on your own time, got it?" Kagami sounded gruff, but he was smiling. "The coach is going to murder you for interrupting practice, so I'd run if I were you."

 

"Got it!" Kise saluted Kagami, then crouched back down and grabbed Kuroko's hand. "Next time, let's go on a real date!" Then he sprinted out the door before Kuroko could jab him in the ribs.

 

Kagami grabbed a towel off the bench and dropped it over Kuroko's head. "That's an embarrassing look on your face," he said. "I guess you, uh, finally _reconciled_ your issue?" Kuroko didn't have to look to know Kagami was smirking.

 

"...yes." Kuroko held the towel in place. It seemed like extra laps were in his future after all. He couldn't go to practice, not with such a ridiculous smile on his face.

~

Later that night, after Kuroko stumbled into bed, aching all over from practice, he scrolled through his phone and unblocked Kise's number.

 

_Let's go out soon. My treat._


End file.
